Maraming Salamat

..sa paghihintay mo sa 'kin tuwing uuwi ako galing ng trabaho. Kwento sa 'kin ni mama hinihintay mo pa rin daw ang pag-uwi ko. Sa bawat taxi raw na humihinto sa tapat ng bahay, tinitignan mo kung sino ang bababa sa pag-asa na makikita mo ako.

..sa paggising mo sa akin tuwing umaga. Maaga pa lang kumakatok ka na sa bahay, aakyat papunta sa kwarto ko. Alam ko nahihiya ka pumasok kaya uupo ka lang sa tapat ng pinto at babatiin ako. Hindi ka titigil hangga't hindi ako gumigising at nagsasabi ng "good morning louie". At kapag narinig mo na ang boses ko, bababa ka na at matutulog.

..higit sa lahat, sa saya na dulot mo sa akin habang ako ay naghihintay. At sa aming pamilya, na kahit ikaw ay masungit, ikaw pa rin ang aming "apple of the eye".

Sana alam mo na sa bawat tawag at text ko kila mama, lagi kitang kinukumusta. Excited ako na isuot mo yung bling-bling at gamitin ang kainan na binili ko para sayo. Sinama ko yun sa balikbayan box na pinadala namin.

Excited din ako na makita ka muli..

Ngunit hindi mo na ko nahintay.

Mamimiss kita, Louie..

teary eyed.

Words

can act as weapons. These weapons can hurt more than physical weapons. "Anong gusto mong itawag ko sayo? Kamahalan?"

Early birthday wish..

GRANTED!! Wohooo!! Thank you, TATAY!!! You are so good!!

Today, I received a letter from the Case Officer via email. "I am pleased to advise that a visa have been granted to you." I was shaking and crying when I read this. Wow!! The wait is finally over. I will be with hubby soon...very very soon :-)

It's going to be a Happy Birthday to Me! Yahoo!! I can't contain the happiness ahihi. The best Ka talaga Lord!!

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Included in the documentation that we need to submit is our history. Here's a bit of my 7 pages love story :-)

Boracay has one of the beautiful sunsets in the world. As it was not our first time here, from the usual viewing of the sunset on the beach, Cesar hired a boat to witness it while sailing the sea. Still, at that time, I do not have an idea of what’s going to happen. We have 3 companions in the boat, the one who maneuvers the sails, his assistant and another assistant to take photos. When we reached the spot, Cesar told the boatman to stop. The moment has finally arrived. Cesar took out the ring and asked, “Pam, will you marry me?” I couldn’t speak and had a sudden flashback from the day we first met and what we have gone through. This is it! I said YES. On January 10, 2010 at 5:55 pm, we were engaged. On that day, I thought that we were going to witness one of the beautiful sunsets, but it was the sunset that witnessed a sweet memorable marriage proposal.

I look forward to next week!

the week hasn't started yet, but i am more excited to the days after this week. five reasons:

1. it's payday! who doesn't like the 15th of the month?? (i only get my salary once every month)

2. lola's birthday on the 16th. i miss you, lola!

3. day off on the 17th to watch gary v's concert at the music museum. yes!! i have successfully booked our tickets online last wednesday (haven't filed a leave yet! this will be on the top of my to-do-list tomorrow. don't forget pam!!)

4. also on the 17th, it's kuya mac's birthday!
5. we are on week 3!! excited lang :-)

wohoo!! if only i can fast forward the time. but who knows, perhaps the answer will come soon.

Hindi ako makatulog..

dahil sa mga tanong na tumatakbo sa utak ko.

bakit minsan nagsasabay umulan at umaraw? bakit kahit na magkasukat kayo ng paa, kapag sinuot mo ang sapatos ng iba, hindi pa rin kumportable? bakit ang pusa kahit hindi marunong ngumiti, nakakatuwa? bakit iba ang dating kapag may takong ang sapatos? wala pa kong nakikitang langgam na namamahinga, hindi ba sila napapagod? bakit ang dalawang mata hindi maaari magka-iba ang tinitignan? at kung pareho lang, bakit dalawa?....at marami pang bakit...

sa bawat katanungan ay mayroong kahulugan. at sa bawat bakit ay may kasagutan ngunit hindi lahat ay mayroon ng kaganapan. hanggang ngayon, may mga katanungan sa isip ko na hindi ko alam kung paano itatanong. minsan may mga tanong na mas mabuting manatili na lamang na isang tanong.

Comfort

for the past days, the verses from my daily devotional are very apt to what is my current situation. and this morning, it is about comfort..

we both do not feel "well" today..

i wanted to give him a hug to cheer him up..i have prayed to TATAY to send him my love.

my mood swings every time i have my monthly period (cesar have learned to love it!). before we get married, there's one great advice my mama gave to cesar: "pag may sumpong si lala, sabihin mo lang 'meow meow' ".. :-)

I need a hug.

ang sama ng pakiramdam ko.

cheer up, pam!

LDR

ways of communication:

text
call
chat/video chatting
email

ang hirap.

from tumblr:

"I’m in a relationship yet living a single life. That’s how a long distant relationship feels like. You go anywhere that you’re able to go to when you were single, yet another part of your heart is elsewhere with someone that you hold dear. That someone is still with you yet not with you. It’s difficult yet simple. That’s what long distant relationships are."

Paalam, Askal

sad. auntie texted me that askal already passed on last sunday due to tumor and peanut, yesterday, was crying beside askal. wala na syang kalaro, wala ng kaagaw sa pagkain.

i can feel auntie's sadness because askal is one of her babies. she treated askal as her own. she just saw askal on the street and seems like she's lost. auntie's compassionate heart took on, called her, opened the car's door and surprisingly, she went in. that is why lola named her, askal.

whenever we talk to auntie over skype, askal is always present and greet us with her cheerful american accent "arf arf". i was excited pa naman to meet her when i visit auntie in the US.

askal, thank you for the joy that you have brought to auntie. you will surely be missed..

Rainy days

i love.

it's because of these two companions, coffee and book.

and ahmmm..how about this? i like!! ;-)

photos via tea&coffee

Missing home

photo via tea&coffee

cesar is my home now. and i really miss home.

Yellow

by coldplay.

song facts: Lead singer Chris Martin has said that the lyrics are about being devoted to someone, wanting to do anything for them - writing a song for them, swimming across the sea for them and so on. (Adam - Sussex, England).

"Yellow" is a term that can mean cowardly or afraid. From this standpoint, the singer could be afraid and nervous to show his love, until he "ran across" and "jumped across" for her. He finally got the nerve to express his love. (Stefan - Winona, MN) -- the exact description of cesar's feelings over a year ago. woot woot!!

Yellow-coldplay (with lyrics) from tachillon on Vimeo.

love love love!

Patience please..

1:30 pm - already out to wait for a cab. there were two ladies who are just few meters away from my right side and seems like they are also going to ride a taxi. when an empty cab passed by, i give way. first come, first served.

around 1:40 pm - another lady came over, where the other two girls are standing earlier, and she's also calling for a cab! aaargghh!! "hey lady, i came here first. be a gentlewoman!" if only i could scream at her. anyhow, it's still early. hindi pa naman ako male-late. sige go, you go first if  mauna ka maka-para. and that's what happened.

mag-2pm na, still i am standing and waiting! i texted cesar, but sending has failed. whatta?! my line was redirected. come on, i just paid my phone bill yesterday. "ok fine, will just verify with the call center agent later."

then a guy suddenly showed up and this time on my left side and he's just a few distance away from where i am at. and yeah, sasakay rin sya ng taxi at nakikipag-unahan pa pumara ng taxi. oh wait this is not right. lumapit ako at tinabihan ko sya. i didn't say a word. well, i hope that he gets the message. mukhang tinablan naman. thank you.

after 40 minutes of waiting (and testing of patience), nakasakay rin. the testing didn't end here.

the taxi driver asked me "ma'am saan tayo dadaan?". i instructed him the (shortcut) way that i know. by taking that route, we'll be in makati in 20 to 30 minutes. but he took a different way which i am not familiar with. nice...so, why ask if ikaw rin pala masusunod. thank you for asking me anyway..and worse, the travel took 45 minutes and the taxi fare went up to 155php. my usual fare is from 100 to 120 pesos. manong driver, you will not get richer with 30 or 50 pesos. of course i did not tell him that. i said thank you instead.

i was reminded of my prayer this morning that in every circumstance, whether it's good or bad, i give thanks. i did not complain. i am thankful na nakarating ako ng office safely and hindi ako late. my time-in was 2:58 (my working hour starts at 3pm).

and the testing continues..i called up the NSO to inquire. after dialing all the contact numbers posted on their site, all the five numbers are busy. whew! this is really my day..next on my to-do-list is the reconnection of my mobile line. i paid the remaining balance and then get a number from the attendant, take a seat and wait for my turn. i am number 1088, the counter is currently serving customer number 1085. after 15 minutes, it's still number 1085. is it moving?!? well, my number was called after 30 to 40 minutes. poor service.

my first day of the week still ended with a smile on my face. how?

i received blessings (unexpectedly)..from mangie - she treated me to dinner in jollibee (for no reason at all). and had a free starbucks grande java chip frapp with jelly c/o becky (rev). he has a coupon wherein if you buy a frapp, the next frapp (which is of equal or lesser value) is for free. the coupon expires on may 31. sakto :-)

one last thing.. though, it's already past 6pm, i was able to connect and speak to an employee of NSO. and she was very nice and accommodating, though it's already after their working hours. mabuhay ka!

it all ended well. thank you, lord.

patience rewarded.

STOP! Strainer Please!

(from tumblr, april 4)

the battlefield of the mind. this is what i am currently going through. i need to filter all what my mind is taking. entertaining negative thoughts is not healthy. one single negative thought can paralyze me. i need a strainer.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. - philippians 4:8

there is always a contrary between what the scripture says to what the world says. the way of the world is deceitful. no, i will not fall into the trap! perhaps, based on our current situation, the fulfillment of the promise is not visible yet. but the One who have made the promise is faithful. God is faithful.

whatever is true, is noble, is right, is pure, is lovely, is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, i will think about these things.

lord, protect my mind and guard my heart for it is the wellspring of life. amen

Hug

last night i hugged my mama so tightly because i feel sad and i can't sleep. it was only 1 in the morning and hoping that it's already 8 or 9 so i can talk to him. i miss him so.

not so good weekend for me..thank you mama for hugging me back. i love you.

Minsan may...

mga taong sadyang nakakainis. wala man silang ginagawa sa yo, marinig pa lang ang boses o makita pa lang ang pangalan, nakakairita na.

"lord, change me."

I am sad

because i am missing him. i need to make myself busy. i texted lirio. if she and kuya archie with asaph are going to the hotair balloon festival today, i am going with them. and tomorrow, i will spend my valentines at church. i am attending the orientation for the kids ministry from 10am to 1pm and then the 3pm service. i don't know where i am going afterwards. perhaps i will treat myself a massage. then i will buy flowers for mama. and that's it!

malungkot ako na may halong tampo.

How

to celebrate a monthsary when you are far away from each other?......alone. yes, i feel alone. was expecting (with excitement) to have a longer conversation via messenger but....i guess i was not the priority.

edit: i am blessed to have a partner who is so kind and sweet in his own way. you made my day, dy.

Seldom

that i talk about how i feel. much as i wanted to be more transparent but i am not that good at expressing my emotions and i am afraid that i might be misunderstood.

i've tried..as the result was undesirable, well, i guess i'll just keep it to myself.

''tay, mold me. i know that it is not an overnight process. i fail still. i am your work in progress..salamat that i can cry out to you and that you never give up on me though most of the time i am stubborn. thank you for loving me 'tay as i am. amen."

Dreams

lately, i do not enjoy my work. it's boring and routinary. well, that's how i am feeling..and i thought, when i retire, i wanted to be a pre-school teacher. whoa!! this was my childhood dream!!

aside from teaching, there are a lot of things that i wanted to try...like baking, baking and baking :-) and cooking..and social working...and ahmm, interior designing.. and writing.

and i will never stop dreaming..libre naman e :-)